Playtime for the Mind

"All my life I've always wondered, what it would be like to fire off a bazooka. All my life I've always wondered, what it would be like to fire off a ballistic missile." Dead Milkmen from "Shiny Colored Plastic War Toys"

Apparently there was a special at the plastic surgery clinic cause the nurse came in bandaged up[ like a 15 round prize fighter on Sunday morning. Her nose, eyes, lips, stomach and arms had all gotten work. I heard her tell one of the steroid engorged orderlies that someone in Hollywood had decided to make a live action Barbie movie and she was not set to audition for the part. My jaw was slack both by her willingness to cut herself up to look like a toy and that some producer thought a Barbie movie was a great idea. Seeing her got me thinking about the toys I had as a kid.

Back in the days before X-box, okay before Atari, when I was a kid we had to use imagination to play. I think it was the seed to my being a writer. With a couple of dozen Hot Wheels cars and a large section of floor I would be entertained for hours. Intoxicatingly happy creating elaborate scenarios for jumping, crashes, and all that boy stuff.

But my imagination soared to new plateaus when I got a few action figures. All about twelve inches tall, and modeled after the heroes of the day. G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip was and still is a favorite, the Steve Austin Six Million Dollar Man with the bionic eye was astonishing, then there was Ken, well someone had to get their ass kicked by Joe and Steve, and my sisters Ken doll was a perfect subject of their torture.

We played games as a family, these cardboard phenomenons called "Board Games", Judi Sunshine knows what I'm talking about. Clue, Monopoly, Life, the memory let's me down a bit, but I'm sure you all can remind me of some of your favorites. No matter what the game was it was a family activity that SuperMom, my brother, my sister, and I always seemed to enjoy, even when it was sometimes forced upon us by a failed electrical bill payment. Hey it takes a good board game to make the tough times enjoyable.

The biggest travesty in the toy world has to do with outside toys. Lawn darts were awesome. The danger factor only added to the excitement of the game. In my day that was good times. So was a Frisbee. A nice heavy piece of plastic flung at you by a playmate, not necessarily a Playboy playmate but how spectacular would that be? As the disc of density flew at your person it was stylistic to attempt a wide array of catching techniques. Some would end only with your head being the immovable force. Danger = excitement.

Now I love my X-box. It's a fantastic source of amusement for me, but it doesn't do much to stimulate my imagination, and that's a shame. Should I ever have a litter of kids I'm getting them BB guns, lawn darts, and Monopoly, just have to make sure to pay the insurance premiums.

What was your favorite childhood toy?

Dixie Cup of Love: Whamm-O!