Better Back End

"I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence, but I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled" Temple of the Dog from "Hunger Strike"

Funny, the nurse was holding a picket sign when she came into to give me my morning cup of rise and shines. The sign said, "Fair Wages for Fair Work". I scoffed. Who did she think she was fooling, fair wage, on any given day, after my Dixie Cup is administered I completely forget about her because, well, I'm not always thinking about the Asylum, hard as it is to believe, but alas it's true. I think of friends, friends that aren't being friendly, friends that are being too friendly, friends that are pretending to be friends and those are the ones that got me thinking. The fakers. The pretenders. The actors.

The writers strike nearly crippled the television industry last year, leaving us, the viewer with shortened versions of LOST, Heroes, and lame shows as well. Will that parlay into lower prices for the strike shortened seasons on DVD, of course not. Because we are loyal fans, we buy them, and THEY know that they can charge full price for inferior product. And now, there is a gauntlet being thrown down by the producers guild, stating, it is the final offer the union will make as the Screen Actors Guild threatens to strike. Seriously? While that whole writers strike shit was going on not one person thought it might be a good time to lock up the actors? And I suppose after a length strike, that will force the networks to produce more reality fair like America's Greatest Cats, the directors will strike. Might as well. They seem to be the only ones not getting a bigger piece of the pie, and isn't that what it's all about?

Actors make more than any other person on the production team. That seems about as fair as only paying the Management of Company X a great wage, while the hard workers get screwed, oh wait, that is the American way, never mind. Actors are like gas company CEO's. $20 million a picture just doesn't go as far as it used to. Oh, and let's not forget the back end bonus dough as a cherry on top of the ten figure sundae. Charlie Chaplin would shit his pants.

I love the movie industry. I have always aspired to be a player, as a director and now far more as a writer, but I will curse the God that gave me an incredible gift of wordplay instead of blessing me with a jawline of stone, eyes the azure of the Mediterranean sky, and the abs of a washboard. I mean I could use the $20 million a flick for good, it could happen, but most likely I would blow it on hookers and weed. That's probably why I don't get the big deals? Bad karma.

If the actors do go on strike, and it does look like a possibility, at least the 70,000 member AFTRA organization has signed it's deal already. So, the part of Peter Petrelli will be played by the guy from the Verizon commercial, I'm sure it won't affect a thing. The role of Dr. Jack Shepherd will be played by the guy from the Cialis commercial, so maybe he and Kate will get it on, of course Kate is going to be played by the woman from the Special K "pinch an inch" commercials. But television will roll on. The big blockbusters next summer will star the guys from the Alltell wireless with Chad being the romantic lead in the 4th of July weekend winning "Wireless Commincationator". But I'm sure the quality of the films will remain as high as say "Rise of Taj".


And yes, I think that the day player who only gets paid something like $300 a day for two hours of work is just as overpaid as the Will "I only make one kind of movie" Smith's of the world. If these actors are such great pretenders, then let them pretend to actually work for a living. I would love to see Russell Crowe hump through a week at HellJob.

Will you support the struggling actor's if they strike?

Dixie Cup of Love: Kevin Smith, writer, director, editor, actor, and soon to be professional striker.

Dummkopf

"And the way I feel tonight. I could die and I wouldn't mind. And there's something going on inside. Makes you wanna feel, makes you wanna try, makes you wanna blow the stars from the sky. I can't stand up, I can't cool down, I can't get my head off the ground" The Jesus and Mary Chain from "Head On"

There is something I didn't know about the nurse, she's Jewish. Not that it matters to me as long as she makes with the Goose Step and gets my Dixie cup into my eager hands as fast as possible. But she was slow with the pills this morning and I got worried. No, not that something was wrong with her, couldn't care less about that, I was worried that I was going to have to end up sober as Carrie Nation. Turns out she was dealing with a friend of the family who was arrested on the other side of the Atlantic. The reason for the bust, made me cheer. So I thought I would share it with you.

Yesterday, 41 minutes after the exhibit opened, a German man made his way past security guards to lop the head off a waxwork statue of Adolf Hitler sitting in a bunker at the Berlin Madame Tussauds museum.

The problems that I have with this are numerous. First of all, who was the dick wad that thought it was a good idea to melt down some wax and reshape it to look like the man responsible for starting a world war. Not to mention that the depicted ordered the murder of approximately six million Jews. For those of you with no sense of numbers, it's akin to the complete annihilation of Los Angeles. Yeah. So, the person that commissioned the work, idiot.

Second, why, someone tell me, why was there a need to post a sign in the museum that asked visitors to refrain from taking photos or posing with Hitler "out of respect for the millions of people who died during World War Two." That was necessary? "Honey, snap a shot of me with Hitler, it'll make for a great Christmas card." I understand that there are people in this world that practice hate because of a lack of education, ignorance, or just plain stupidity. Do these people go to museums? I seriously doubt it.

Third, not last cause this list could go on forever, but the last thing that struck me about this story is the subject matter itself. Madame Tussauds is a place where parafin replicas of Michael Jackson, Madonna, Brando, Chaplin, and W.C. Fields are found. None of them tried to exterminate a race, well Michael Jackson has tried to change, from human to alien, but to move through the Thriller stage, to the Like A Virgin booth, then straight into The Fuehrer's bunker? Not the trip I'm interested in. I think I would rather see the Crowd Pissing on David Chase diorama or maybe the Salute to Bulemia Vomitorium. Madame Tussauds, whose new slogan is "We haven't been relevant in 50 years!".

Share what you would like, I have no question for this.

Dixie Cup of Love: The Security Guards that let the guy through.