Better Back End

"I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence, but I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled" Temple of the Dog from "Hunger Strike"

Funny, the nurse was holding a picket sign when she came into to give me my morning cup of rise and shines. The sign said, "Fair Wages for Fair Work". I scoffed. Who did she think she was fooling, fair wage, on any given day, after my Dixie Cup is administered I completely forget about her because, well, I'm not always thinking about the Asylum, hard as it is to believe, but alas it's true. I think of friends, friends that aren't being friendly, friends that are being too friendly, friends that are pretending to be friends and those are the ones that got me thinking. The fakers. The pretenders. The actors.

The writers strike nearly crippled the television industry last year, leaving us, the viewer with shortened versions of LOST, Heroes, and lame shows as well. Will that parlay into lower prices for the strike shortened seasons on DVD, of course not. Because we are loyal fans, we buy them, and THEY know that they can charge full price for inferior product. And now, there is a gauntlet being thrown down by the producers guild, stating, it is the final offer the union will make as the Screen Actors Guild threatens to strike. Seriously? While that whole writers strike shit was going on not one person thought it might be a good time to lock up the actors? And I suppose after a length strike, that will force the networks to produce more reality fair like America's Greatest Cats, the directors will strike. Might as well. They seem to be the only ones not getting a bigger piece of the pie, and isn't that what it's all about?

Actors make more than any other person on the production team. That seems about as fair as only paying the Management of Company X a great wage, while the hard workers get screwed, oh wait, that is the American way, never mind. Actors are like gas company CEO's. $20 million a picture just doesn't go as far as it used to. Oh, and let's not forget the back end bonus dough as a cherry on top of the ten figure sundae. Charlie Chaplin would shit his pants.

I love the movie industry. I have always aspired to be a player, as a director and now far more as a writer, but I will curse the God that gave me an incredible gift of wordplay instead of blessing me with a jawline of stone, eyes the azure of the Mediterranean sky, and the abs of a washboard. I mean I could use the $20 million a flick for good, it could happen, but most likely I would blow it on hookers and weed. That's probably why I don't get the big deals? Bad karma.

If the actors do go on strike, and it does look like a possibility, at least the 70,000 member AFTRA organization has signed it's deal already. So, the part of Peter Petrelli will be played by the guy from the Verizon commercial, I'm sure it won't affect a thing. The role of Dr. Jack Shepherd will be played by the guy from the Cialis commercial, so maybe he and Kate will get it on, of course Kate is going to be played by the woman from the Special K "pinch an inch" commercials. But television will roll on. The big blockbusters next summer will star the guys from the Alltell wireless with Chad being the romantic lead in the 4th of July weekend winning "Wireless Commincationator". But I'm sure the quality of the films will remain as high as say "Rise of Taj".


And yes, I think that the day player who only gets paid something like $300 a day for two hours of work is just as overpaid as the Will "I only make one kind of movie" Smith's of the world. If these actors are such great pretenders, then let them pretend to actually work for a living. I would love to see Russell Crowe hump through a week at HellJob.

Will you support the struggling actor's if they strike?

Dixie Cup of Love: Kevin Smith, writer, director, editor, actor, and soon to be professional striker.