A Very Special Episode

"Stars in the sky, they tell me what to do. I don't care about your city or your fat income. I don't care about your Vanity Fair or your fucking sitcom." Iggy Pop from "Starry Night"

Yesterday there was some commotion here at the Asylum. One of the other patients, you really didn't think I was all alone in this head of mine did you? Well, one of the others got the wrong meds and everything got locked down on a suicide watch. It was touch and go for a few minutes, until a wiser person than the wrongly medicated patient talked him off the ledge, then the wiser man cracked a joke about his wife's cooking. We all laughed and after a half an hour it was over. The nurse came back in to usher me to the land of night terrors with an Ambien laced Dixie cup. And I slept in total peace.

Those were the good old days of television. Back when 30 minutes and a laugh track was enough to solve even the biggest of problems. Sometimes it required a special guest star like Davey Jones or Bob Goulet, but for the most part it took them simple discovery that there had been a misunderstanding. That's how life was supposed to play out according to sitcoms. Even when they jumped the shark.

M*A*S*H lasted longer than the Korean war, true story. Not every episode was hysterical either, some where what they used to call "very special episodes." Hearing those words in a promo spot meant that one of the following things would happen: A) Someone would develop and overcome a drug problem. B) A character that had everything to lose would lose it. C) News would arrive at the 4077th that someone's loved one had passed away, be it Henry Blake or Col. Potter's horse.

Cheers would have special episodes too. Ones about Sam's alcohol problem or Carla's kids. Then there was the death of Coach. That one stung, I won't lie. But they would quickly rebound with Woody Boyd and without him there would be no Kelly Song.

I used to be forced by SuperMom to attend family dinner on Sunday night at my Grandparents. Dinner was always, without fail, followed by the tedium of 60 Minutes, trust me when you're a kid that show felt like 180 Minutes, but when it was over it was time for "All in the Family". My Grandfather would roar with the laughter of a lion at Archie Bunker, primetime racist. But it's the show I will always remember watching with a single scoop of plain vanilla ice cream, even the dairy treats were Aryan on Sundays, at my Grandparents house.

Over time my own taste would form. I would consume Different Strokes with great vigor. I would have crushes on many members of the Facts of Life cast. Find hipness in the geeks of Square Pegs. Wish I was a member of the Keaton family, or the Cunningham's, or even a Brady. I would laugh at Ted Knight yelling at JM J Bullock and never thought it got old on Too Close For Comfort. They were good shows, true entertainment. Far superior television than a bunch of metro sexual kids trying to be Pop stars. Especially when it was a very special episode.

What was your favorite sitcoms?

Dixie Cup of Love: Dick Van Patten, best TV Dad ever.