Some Say Monkeys Play Piano Well

"The Ants are my friends, they're blowing in the wind, that ants are a-blowing in the wind." Bob Dylan from "Blowin the Wind"?

When the nurse came in to give me my daily Dixie cup of Chemistry I heard her say something that shocked me to the bone. I thought I heard her say "Wake up dead dick!" I mean, how the hell did she know that the old tentpole wasn't hoisting the canvas? Instantly I went into defensive mode as any guy does when his manhood in challenged. My first line of defense was that it was the medication keeping Sargent Stiffy from standing at attention. When she didn't respond to that, I immediately attacked her appearance. I shouted horrible things about her hair, her make-up, how the left boob was bigger than the right, all sorts of hideousness. That's when she clarified that she said "Take your meds quick." Oh, well, that's, um, I hate when I hear things wrong.

As a musical snob there is nothing I hate more than being in a car with someone that butchers the lyrics to a song like it was a side of beef at Sam's.. If you don't know the words, just shut up, don't attempt to fill in for Kurt Cobain. The line is "Here we are now, entertain us." not "here we are now in containers." That doesn't even make sense. Why would the be in Tupperware, why?

The most common misquotes are "Excuse me while I kiss this guy.", "There's a bathroom on the right." and the line from Manfred Mann's Blinded By The Light is "Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night." It has nothing to do with feminine hygiene wash, I swear. But in doing a little research for this here bloggity blog, oh yeah, I do research, I came across a few things that cracked me up.

In Addicted to Love Robert Palmer does not say "You might as well face it, you're a dick with a glove." It's not even a song about Michael Jackson. In the "Summer of 69" Canada's greatest disgrace Bryan Adams "got his first six string at the 5 and dime" not "got his first sex dream, I was 5 at the time." besides the next line is played it till my fingers bled, the wrong way is just gross. Johnathan B. Jovi did not say "It doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not." he cared whether or not they made it, the fact that they were naked is a given because he's J.B.J.

But the worst is what you people do to Bennie and Jets. There's no funny lyrics for you on this one, you all kill it in your own unique way, so as a service to Sir Elton John I present you with the actual lyrics to the most butchered song of all time.

"Hey kids, shake it loose together, the spotlights hitting something that's been known to change the weather.
We kill the fatted calf tonight, so stick around.
You're gonna hear electric music, solid walls of sound.
Say Candy and Ronnie have you seen them yet, but they're so spaced out.
Bennie and the Jets.
Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful, oh Bennie she's really keen.
She's got electric boots, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a magazine.
Bennie and the Jets.
Hey kids, plug into the faithless, maybe they're blinded but Bennie makes them ageless.
We shall survive, let us take ourselves along.
Where we fight our parents out in the streets to find out who's right and who's wrong."

No shit.

Do you butcher songs? Any lyrics you aren't sure of? Do you make up the words you don't know?

Dixie Cup of Love: Sir Elton John

PS - To understand the title of blog, sing Michelle by the Beatles until you get to the section in French.