The Face

"I've just seen a face, I can't forget the time or place, That we'd just met, she's just the girl for me, And I want all the world to see we've met" The Beatles from "I've Just Seen A Face"

I was thinking about how I would react if another inmate stole my nurse. Not exactly an actual possibility, but an interesting "what if". Would I fight for her? Would I let her go to happily medicate another sociopath for ever and ever? Would I declare all out war in an effort to win her back? I didn't get the chance to fully think these ideas through when the nurse entered with her normal zest, like a Gothic kid watching Donnie Darko, apparently everyone's top 5 movie of all time, I wasn't that big of a fan. But anyway, as she walked over with my Dixie Cup I knew the answer in one bolt of lightning. I would definitely declare war.

Helen of Troy was nothing but a cheating whore. She may have been "the Face that launched a thousand ships" but I wouldn't have sent so much as a frigate to get her back. If I had been Menalaus I would have kept my warriors, like Ajax and Achilles, close to home. Hector and his whore stealing brother Paris would never have been the tale of legend that they are today. Instead the history books would say that the Spartan King Menalaus once had a wife who ran off the be anally penetrated by a dirty Greek. He soon remarried a woman who understood what it meant to be a Spartan queen. End of epic.

Helen of Troy cheated on her husband. Now, I'm not saying that in those days women had the right to say no, as a matter of fact they didn't have rights period, but a Spartan queen? A higher honor there could not be. And to top it all off she chose the lesser of the Greek brothers. Were history has painted Hector as a warrior and a hero, Paris is considered a pretty fey boy. A coward. All Helen saw in him was a reflection of her own self, skin deep beauty and nothing more.

Now, why am I ranting on about Helen of Troy? Reasonable question. I have been thinking a lot lately about what I consider to be beautiful. There are things that I look for on a purely plastic, superficial level. I like blondes, I like big boobies, I like curves. But I also like sex appeal. That's something different from good looks. Sex appeal is Marilyn Monroe, Jane Mansfield, Rachel Welch, Monica Belucci. It's a want and desire to get naked with someone. It either exists or it doesn't, and I'm not sure if it can be learned. Without it I can't feel chemistry for someone. And I'm guessing that Helen of Troy had it in spades.

The really strange thing I am finding about sex appeal is that it doesn't have anything to do with beauty or size. It's an interesting commodity in that the only cost is enjoying and oozing of sex, yet still it is in higher demand than sticky green buds of Danger Girl down here in the Slow. If ever there was a substance that could flood the market and still remain in higher demand than a President who isn't a complete imbecile, it's sex appeal. So, what are we gonna do about this problem? Where's my national campaign to bring the sexy back? My God, I'm referencing Justin Timberlake, time to go.

Are you sexy? What's sexy to you? Can sexy be learned?

Dixie Cup of Love: All the sexy people, except Helen of Troy.