Bad Johnny

I gave the nurse today off, because this pissed me off so much that I had no way to tie her into it. So...

HellJob has moments when I can't believe the people that we service. The rent to own business is essentially a business in which you only deal with the poorest dead beats in society. If you, a normal consumer, want a 50" plasma television you save your change or you go into credit coma like a civilized American. In my line, if they are on Government assistance, have a couple of convictions for spousal abuse, or are just degenerates in general, we will get them that big screen in a matter of hours. And a week later, when they miss their first payment, we will repossess said idiot box and rent it to their cracked out neighbor. You get used to the lowest common denominator. However...

As I took a moment between trips from one bad neighborhood to the next, a gentleman, a term that will soon fail to fit this scumbag, walks in with his rented Dell computer tower under arm. My boss knows that I'm okay with computers, I mean, I pirate, and I pirate well. So, when a computer comes in with a complaint of slow workings, I generally have a grasp of how to speed the machine back up.

Well, Johnny Asshole's computer is on the verge of serious viral shutdown. I mean, this computer had AIDS. It was on meds and dying. So, my boss hands Johnny a suitable replacement model and off he goes. I start working on the hard drive, seeing if I can be the first to cure the incurable.

My first step is to isolate the virus. I know from the icons on the desktop, LimeWire, Azureus, Morpheus that this guy has probably been downloading a Library of Congress sized amount of porn. I check out his Incomplete folder first, just a bit of advice kids, empty the Incomplete Download folder from time to time, it's a trail and it's full of usable memory. Anyway, the flag goes off when I see the first file name in the folder. "Daddy Teaches Daughter a Lesson in Fisting". At this point I am really hoping that the poor girl that is getting this highly painful lesson is of legal voting age. The second file assures me that she isn't. "10 year Old Rape". You have to be kidding me?

Johnny Asshole brings in a dead computer full like a coffee cup to the rim with child, incest, and bestiality porn. I couldn't believe my peepers. I've mentioned that I, like most red blooded American men, have some porn. Not ashamed of it, don't hide it in a drawer, it's all above the board, some fetish stuff but that's for my own "special time". And nothing that is so scandalous that you would be mouth agape if you saw it. But this sick shit, I mean, I saw some things on that hard drive that I can't unsee, you know? My boss laughed and thought it was a funny, that was until I called the cops. Yeah, that's right. I ain't the kind of guy that let's some sick-o pervert get his rock off at the expense of girls that don't know that what Daddy is doing is so God damned wrong.

The cops show up and take one look at the sheer volume of crap that this waste of life has on 'our' machine that they can barely look at it. One says, "Are you sure he downloaded it?". And I'm thinking, no, asshole, we pre-load the computer full of elementary school seduction videos. I show him the time signature on the properties, it tells you when the file was downloaded, definitely during Johnny's rental agreement. That seemed like all they needed. They took his name, address, and the computer and said they would contact the feds as this type of disgusting fetish falls to the Government to control.

I hope they lock that vile son of a bitch up for a long time in a prison where he is looked at like he ogled those young girls on his computer. If I find out what prison he gets sent to, I will visit every inmate in there so that word gets around that Johnny likes to watch kids. Bastard.

Tomorrow the song lyrics and Dixie Cups return.