One Man Asylum

"Overkill, overview, Over my dead body,,Over me, over you, Over everybody. Too much information running through my brain. Too much information driving me insane" The Police from "Too Much Information"

Somebody must have pulled the string on the Chatty Cathy Surgically Enhanced Nurse doll because as she dropped pills in my mouth like a courtesan feeding grapes to Caesar she would not shut up. Her verbal assault and battery hammered me with bullets of information I just didn't need to know. Why would I give a rats blistery ass about her cramps? Do I seem like the king of sociopath that wants to hear about any one's first boyfriend Jimmy? As I prayed for a meteor to crash through the roof and crush the life out of her, I drifted off in the sweet bliss of dreamland, sponsored by Ambien.

Intelligence in the country must be at an all time low. Is it possible that we are de-evolving to a Jessica Simpson like mental state? Will I one day wake up[ to realize that crayons do, in fact, taste like purple? I can hear you out there, those are some disgusting noises coming from the Tri-State area, but anyway, you're saying "We're not getting no more dumber". But how else to you explain the way television treats us. And I'm not even talking about the insipidness of reality TV. I'm talking about adspace.

There are things that, as an alpha male, type A personality, Scorpio, Buddha Adonis I don't need commercials for in order to know that they are necessary and I must have them. For instance, I had the great displeasure of watching a couple lying in bed, smile splashed across their overly eager faces, as the woman tells about how she likes it for the tingling sensation. The hapless oaf next to her just nods in agreement. Then Sally Spinderella shucks more bullshit at me as she points to the chucklehead and says "He likes if for the silky smoothness." Again, nothing but smiles form the semi-human bobblehead taking up half the mattress. The across the television screen I see "KY Lubricants". Well no wonder he was smiling like a jack-o-lantern, it was butt sex time. Ridiculous. This commercial in not necessary. If I'm going to enjoy the company of a Sahara crotch, I knew where to get lube, in a jiffy.

OR. You see a woman in her middle years on a swing set with a much younger, hotter girl. I know the line is coming because this ad is the main sponsor of my "Girls Next Door" marathon, some ad executive should be shot. "Mom, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?" Are you fucking kidding me? And the mom does that tilted head with a smile like she knew the question was coming look. "I knew you were gonna ask, I can smell you from here." Then the mom shoves a plastic bottle of Italian salad dressing the younger woman's Calvin's. I understand that its necessary to maintain good feminine hygiene, must I see commercials for it.

Limp dick. Get Cialis. Sorry to bother you while your eating dinner with my boner problems, please enjoy the bratwurst. Charmin, it's squeezable soft. Yeah, and it's for wiping my ass, not like I can live without it, not need for a commercial. These are products, yes, that we need. Do we need to have a non-stop barrage of these silly innuendo fueled commercials? Then we wonder why the youngsters seem to be growing up before their time. I didn't know what an erection was until I was 12, my nine year old nephew knows that if it lasts for more than 4 hours he should call a doctor. You can't just blame the shows, you must place some of the blame on the commercials. And speaking of that, if I'm paying for satellite or cable TV, why do I have to endure ads at all? Even watching HBO I have to put up with their constant self promotion. It's a world go mad I tell ya, gone mad.

What commercials do you hate? Or love?

Dixie Cup of Love: Super Mom for inspiring this with a brilliant rant.