The Big Hitter

"Life imitates the game of chess, You can be the rook or the pawn. If you have the strategy that's best, You can be the king or in this case the Don." Smashmouth from "Padrino"

I noticed some black ink on the finger tips of the nurse as she placed my peace makers on my tongue. With an accusatory tone usually reserved for public defenders I asked if she got booked for turning tricks or aggravated assault. It could've gone either way. She snickered and said that someone in my condition could never understand the complexities of her policeman/jailbird fantasies. Condition? What am I pregnant? I really got drop of few pounds, this is getting ridiculous, but back to her kink. I imagined the nurse involved in all types of degenerate activities, but I didn't think she would play the submissive role in a cops and robbers showcase. But it did get me to thinking.

When it comes to bizarre interests or strange hobbies I've got some Nicole Ritchie looking skeletons in my proverbial closet. Two interests in particular have always concerned Super Mom, one of which is my fascination with the Mafia.

My heritage is German, English, with a smattering of Dutch thrown in to explain my love of wooden shoes and pot. Nothing wrong with the mix I have but, how I wished that I had been pure blood Sicilian. First, and most attractive feature is the food. German cuisine seems based on shame, the bad things done in the name of Germany are absolved through wads of saucy meat dishes. Italian food is comfort food. It requires a bunch of people to be enjoyed properly. It takes love to be prepared, time and caring. Then there's the language. The Language of Love. Only in Italian can you tell someone that they should burn in the deepest levels of hell and have it sound complimentary. But for me, the greatest part would be a possible life in the Cosa Nostra.

How could I want a life of crime and murder? In the same way that Cheney likes being Vice President while making his friends rich, how Suge Knight runs his business with a strong trigger finger. I would be able to do it because I would enjoy the work. Mobsters, as a rule, don't whack civilians. Sure they rip of corporations, maybe run some numbers and book making operations, but killing soccer moms in the suburbs isn't usually on the docket. Though, if ordered by the Don, I'm sure my sense of loyalty and devotion to the family would compel me to do as ordered.

There are aspects of family, camaraderie, and loyalty, the cornerstones of the mob, that I find as appealing as Scarlett Johannson in a bikini. Sure there are some cons on the for/against list, but you gotta be willing to take the bad with the good.

My other strange and life long obsession has been serial killers. I'm mesmerized by what makes them tick. What drives them to violent sprees of murderous rage? How do you go about being a PTA dad when three members of your sons Boy Scout troop are buried under the above ground pool? Once, back in my younger years, I was sitting at the computer reading a particularly grisly website when Super Mom asked me what I was reading. I told her she didn't want to know, begged her not to pursue the line of questioning, but alas she did. So I told her that I was looking at a website that ranked serial killers by number of victims. She was completely mortified and never again asked what I was reading when I was on the computer.

Do you have any strange interests or hobbies?

Dixie Cup of Love: The Sopranos and the Corleones.