Finding Pennies

"I am aware, I've been misled. I disconnect my heart, my head. Don't wanna recognize when things go bad. The things that you'll accept, Except that I am finding the words" Jack's Mannequin from "I'm Ready"

Oh the nurse, the poor lonely haggard nurse. As she doped me up the tears poured from her sockets. Not that I really cared but for my own amusement I inquired as to what was the cause of the water works. She opened up to me like I was Dr. Phil and she was a soulless guest who wanted desperately to know why her alcoholic meth addicted daddy didn't love her. It was a pathetic display brought on by her lack of success in procuring male attention without a stripper pole and a ridiculous cover charge. Out of terror that she might actually continue talking, I asked if she had ever tried online dating. The look she gave me stunk of loser and superiority.

I'm not say that the online world is for everyone. But being the new kid in town without so much as a Rutter man let alone a solid wing man, I have to allow my mind to be open to other avenues of finding some female companionship. And without plunking down cash for a tumble with the three fingered hooker, I have decided to write about the success, see I'm being optimistic, or abject failure, realism over rides, of the proceedings. First step for me was choosing a site from which to find my Penny Lane.

When it comes to amoreous onlineous I don't necessarily think you get what you pay for. The object here is multiple options not a stellar portfolio consisting of eight million questions all leading up to the grand conclusion, which I already know or why would I be trying to find love on the Internet, that I am completely incompatible with the entire female populace of the The Slow. I don't need some quack TV shrink giving me advice on dating and relationships, he's getting a divorce anyway, so who the fuck is he to dispense wisdom on the subject? No, I decided on a cheaper service without celebrity endorsements for my soul mate search.

Next came the profile itself. What does one say about themselves to be honest and still be found attractive all in one paragraph? I didn't want to send out misinformation, but I needed to reel the truth in a bit. Somehow I didn't imagine "Eternally single male blog writer seeks big breasted woman for dirty, hot, immoral sex, movie companionship, and only occasional conversation. No Cats. No Tom Cruise Fans." was going to rake the ladies in like a twenty point in a row craps run at Caesar's Palace. So, if you have any suggestions about how I should sell myself, by all means, let me hear it.

As for the photo, well, I went ahead and used the default I have on this profile. It says alot, that photo. Yes I smoke, yes my hair is traced with gray, no, I'm not entirely serious all the time. That was really the easy part for me.

So I started fishing with a nice introduction letter that I sent out to 5 eligible ladies I found on the site. To keep you up to date I will call the potential bachelorettes by brief descriptions. #1 - The Short Cutey #2 - The Rocker Chick #3 - The Home Run Swing #4 - The Silly One and #5 - The Bobbie Queen. Those are the top 5 players on the program. I'm sure that I will never hear back from at least 3 of the 5, so after one week of no contact I will try to call up another player. Game on.

If at any time one of you would like to pull me out of the game, become the muse and heart of my world, feel free to apply. I'm equal opportunity.

Ever done the online thing? Do you think less of me for this attempt?

Dixie Cup of Love: I'm really routing for the Short Cutey.