Cruise To Mexico

"I wish I was in Tijuana eating barbequed iguana. I'd take requests on the telephone, I'm on a
wavelength far from home. I feel a hot wind on my shoulder I dial it in from south of the border, I hear the talking of the DJ. Can't understand just what does he say?" Wall of Voodoo from
"Mexican Radio"

When it comes to celebrities the nurse and I have very similar taste. Of course she loves
Leonardo DiCaprio with the same passion as myself, she too thinks Jenna Elfman has a body
that rocks harder than, you wanna guess, that's right, Appetite For Destruction. It's actually
harder to find people that we are of opposing viewpoint, rough to imagine seeing is that she is a
figment of my imagination. But for some hideous reason she thinks Tom Cruise is the most
underrated actor this side of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. How could someone so scorchingly hot,
be so incredibly clueless.

I have serveral reasons for dismissing the diminuative dialouge drummer as nothing more than
hard candy. sure it's shiny and pretty, but it's got all the charisma of a box of charcoal and it's
bad for your teeth. If you are a practicing Scientologist, or as I like to call them, The Cult that
makes the Mormon's look normal, you might want to skip down to my lambasting of his film
work. Because seriously this L. Ron Hubbard cult of alien worship holds as much credibility as
Jim Craemer after his bold prediction to hang on to your Bears And Stern stock. That
collapsed like Marissa Tomei's career. I know that Scientologists are just another gaggle of
believers, but why have Cruise as the face of your religion? I believe in smoking pot and having
a great time but I don't allow Matthew McConaughey to speak for me. And really what does it
say about a faith that has a "Celebrity Center"? Sell out much?

Then, if the Xenu worship wasn't enough there's that once wholesome Stepford Wife of his.
Let's see, he couldn't ruin Nicole Kidman or the stackhouse that is Mimi Rogers, so he defiles
Katie? What a butt plug. I read somewhere that there was a casting call put out for the job of
Mrs. Wack-o and that Scarlett johannson passed on the gig. If it's true I will overlook the fact
that my Ghost World lollipop was in The Island and that she recently released an album. Katie,
if you're out there, get out, get out before they completely brainwash... wait she just spend a
month taking Scientology workshops? Damn, we lost her. Guess that might have something to
do with Maggie Gyllenhaal being the new Rachel Dawes in Dark Knight?

Anyway, back to Oprah's ratings ticket. Think about the last great Cruise role. Hard isn't it? I
know somebody out there is yelling Top Gun at their monitor at this very moment. All I can say is A) I can't hear you through the Internet and B) Gayest Movie Ever Made. The Bird Cage
wasn't as gay as Top Gun, neither is Boy On Boy KY's Greatest Hits Vol. III. There is so
much gayness that it's almost a chick flick. Even Brian Singer thinks it's completely gay and he
kisses men. I have no problem with people being gay, whatever gets you to Valhalla, but don't
tell me it's an action movie then show slow motion sweat drenched dudes playing volleyball.
That's a bait and switch.

Risky Business? Ok, the train scene with Rebecca DeMornay was hot, but Cruise sucked.
The Outsiders? Great book, excellent cast, I mean it was even Swayzeriffic, yet Tom sucked.
Days of Thunder? Come on. Far And Away? Even Opie couldn't save his pathetic
performance. I have an idea. Let's trade Tommy to Mexico for Salma Hayek. I may not be
able to understand her half the time, but at least she's hotter than Tabassco.

Which celebrity do you want to trade away?

Dixie Cup of Love: Val Kilmer who was in Top Gun, but awesome in Real Genius.