Madonna Whore

"If little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you, Little by little, If suddenly you forget me, Do not look for me, For I shall already have forgotten you" Madonna from "If You Forget Me"

There was something different about the nurse as she brought the mornings go-go, not cry-cry, capsules. Initially I was perplexed, on a how the hell did Kathie Lee Gifford get back on television level, but determination and a keen eye led to the answer. She changed her make-up, less of her normal Santa Monica Boulevard transvestite plastering. It was down right demure. Though I found it jarring at first site, there was no reason she couldn't get herself a make over, good for her, the dirty slut.

When it comes to re-invention there is one true master. The Kobra Kai sensei of the new look. The Tiger Woods of freshness. The David Copperfield of self delusion. Madonna. Say what you will about her music, you can't discount her chameleon like ability to change persona's. And most of us have our favorite version, and the ones we detest like Zucchini.

The Original Madonna - This is my personal favorite. Chunky, thick, wildly sexy rolling around on the floor in a dirty wedding dress Madonna. The Like A Virgin years. Plastic bracelets and mesh clothing. The red lips, visible lingerie, and tussled hair was enough to bring men and boys of all ages to redwood like erectness.

The Breathless Madonna - The campiness of the live action Warren Beatty "Dick Tracy" featured a 20's inspired Madonna wearing one of the greatest cinematic dresses this side of Jessica Rabbit. A black see through peek a boo number that placed this colorfully brilliant film on my all time favorite "Bad Movie" list.

The Religious Madonna - No, not the mother of Jeebus, now I'm talking about the brunette years. When the ultra sexy "Like A Prayer" video hit the airwaves we caught our first glimpse of a non-blonde diva. It was around this period that I started to realize the brilliancy of her economic plan. Keep changing the look, keep changing the merchandise.

The Waif Madonna - I have no idea what album or time period it was, but my once voluptuous virgin whore was no. Replaced by a buff, incredibly thin, but sassy broad tough enough to bite off Mike Tyson's ear. Of all the versions, this one ranks as my second least favorite. For Godsake, eat a cheeseburger, no one wants to look at your ribcage, we want the boobies back.

The Kaballah Madonna - Even the biggest of icons occasionally blow and O-Ring. Pop stars and religion mix about as well as Danny Bonaduce and any illegal substance known to man or beast. As the spotlight started to fade she used a stupid bracelet to turn the halogens back up to 11. I would have cried for her, if I'd have given a crap about her by this time.

The Brit - Number one Worst Madonna of All Time. Guy Ritchie can make a great flick, but his wives bullshit British accent needs to land on the cutting room floor. Am I wrong or wasn't she from Michigan? Madge has got to go, and if history is any indication, its just a matter of time.

What's your favorite Madonna?

Dixie Cup of Love: Material Girl Madonna.