Catching the Red Eye

"So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish. Worry not about the cars that go by. All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom. Keep warm my dear, keep dry" Alanis Morissette from "Mary Jane"

When the nusre came in for my tidings of comfort and joy I noticed a certain discoloration in her eyes. Not the iris, no those were still Hell spawn red, it was the whites of her eyes that looked less than egg shell, they were, what the giant 64 pack of crayons with the sharpener on the back, would call Salmon. My eyes had been that color on a few occasions and it got me thinking.

We are a country that is trillions of dollars in debt. Trillions. Money is getting wasted faster than Lindsey Lohan after a rehab stint. The war in Iraq is a colossal cash vacuum, but then there is the unwinable war. Not against terrorism, paparazzi, or Donald Trump's hair, it's the war to make America drug free. Don't gasp just yet, I have some interesting, if not semi-hazy, thoughts on the subject.

First of all the idea itself is dumber than Kellie Pickler. This country has never been, nor will it ever be, free of drugs. And I'm not even talking about the big drugs: Alcohol, Tobacco, Caffeine, Prozac, or Viagra. I'm talking about the happy makers, the numbness causers, and the ones that make pretty pictures appear out of thin air. They have been here since before the pilgrims stole the land from the Injuns. So why fight it?

The legalization of marijuana for home use should have happened years ago, right around the time that Dark Side of the Moon came out. Slick Willie Clinton, a noted puffer, should have been the champion of this business, however he got distracted by a woman who didn't even bother to have her clothing dry cleaned. Had he smoked his own cigar, pot could have been available at Kwik-E Mart and taxed. That's right, I would completely support a "Sin" tax on Mary Jane. Increased revenue and less tax payer money spent prosecuting adults who choose to relax, watch movies, eat pizza (there by stimulating the economy), and just being mellow. The problem is that there is no way to do a road side test to determine the amount of glorious THC in ones system while driving. They can't measure how baked you are. If they could, herb would be legal as the lottery.

I don't advocate the legalization of substances that can kill you. An overdose of bong rips leads to a nap, not a dirt nap. So cocaine, meth, heroin, and PCP still would be on the banned substance list. I don't want to endanger folks, I just want to be able to enjoy Bob Marley without fear of losing my job or being hassled by the police.

Some of you out there may think me less glorious because I have, in the past, though not currently, sparked a joint and listened to The Who's Tommy. Some of you may never have tried pot in your life. And then there are those that will say that sticky icky is a gateway drug that it leads people to other drugs. Well, I am not less of a person, I don't judge you for never trying it, and pot is no more a gateway drug than alcohol. Booze kills more people, causes more domestic crime, and leads to more unwanted pregnancy than the green ever will. If pot leads to anything its video game sales, cookie dough production, and calmness.

What do you think folks? Am I stoned or am I on to something?

Dixie Cup of Love: I'm in love with Mary Jane.