Where is Buffalo Bill When You Need Him?

"I'm not your lover, I'm not your friend, I am something that you'll never comprehend, no need to worry, no need to cry, I'm your Messiah and you're the reason why" Prince from "I would Die 4 U"

The nurse was complaining tat the price of gas was so high she wasn't sure if she could get the Shag wagon all the way to work for the rest of the week. Who will give me my meds? How will i cope if I'm not numbed to the idiocy of the world at large? Something has to be done about these prices. Someone is to blame, and I know who it is.

Jodie Foster.

Jodie Foster is responsible for gas soaring to the $4 a gallon mark. I know what you're thinking: "Well, he's finally gone insane. The blog was great while it lasted , but he's obviously cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs". And why shouldn't I be, Cocoa Puffs are delicious and part of a nutritious breakfast. But really I'm not all, Gary Busey over here, and I can prove it.

Insane people don't use facts to support their claims, they wear head wear made out of tin foil, sure, but they have no hard data. I've done my homework like an Asian student before the Physics Bowl. Between the years of 1980 to 1988 Jodie Foster appeared in 11 total films. From 2000 to present just 5. The five films during the last octagon of sun rotations, Panic Room, Flight Plan, Inside Man, The Brave One, and Nim's Island. All those films with the exception of Nim's (which featured Gerard Butler from 300, a stone killer in that flick) had something in common. Can you see it? Jodie was pissed off.

But what does this have to do with the price of tea in China or the petrol you pump? I'm getting there if you'd just have a little patience, geez. The 11 flicks of 1980-1988 were much happier, lighter, sexier Jodie. That's the kind of actress that crazy people like John Hinckley Jr want to impress. No one wants to impress a pissed off actress making 10 million a flick. Happy Jodie, Reagon gets shot. Pissed off Jodie, Bush is free to run amok.

If Jodie had made some sappy love fare in the early part of the Bush administration surely some nut job with a copy of Catcher In The Rye and a Travis Bickle complex would have slithered from the White House dry rot and peppered "W" with enough lead to set off metal detectors in Baltimore. Surely the pressure of being thrust into the Oval Office would have caused Dick Cheney's tobacco and oil clogged robot heart to explode in a stress induced detonation. Then it would have been President Pelosi. And no soccer mom would let gas prices get so high.

I know there are those of you out there that will argue that the down turn of the dollar may still have occurred, that Cheney, being undead and all, would live and that would be akin to putting Satan in the White House, and some may still be holding onto the notion that I'm crazier than Mel Gibson on a bender, but the facts don't lie. Happy Jodie = Lower gas prices. Angry Jodie = Worst Presidency ever.

Do you even question my sanity? Don't you see the connection?

Dixie Cup of Love : "Jodie, Goodbye! I love you six trillion times. Don't you maybe like me a little bit? (You must admit it I am different) It would make all the difference. John" The actual text of the last letter that John Hinckley Jr wrote to Jodie Foster before attempting to assassinate Ronald Reagon.