In This Corner

"Well, I know what I've been told. You gotta know just when to fold, but I can't do this all on my own. No, I know I'm no Superman. I'm no Superman" Lazlo Bane from "I'm No Superman (Theme from Scrubs)"

The nurse came in with a bee in her bonnet the size of Nebraska. Seems she and her date for the evening, who I'm sure was little more than a hard-on with a pulse, got into an argument over who was smarter Alexander Graham Bell or Leonardo DaVinci. I know, I was shocked that she knew who either of the men were. But being the simp that she is, she brought it all home for me when she said the guy was an idiot for not knowing that DaVinci invented the airplane and painted the, and I quote, "Sixteenth Chapel, you know the ceiling with the young guy pointing at the old guy?" I'm starting to have doubts whether she actually went to an accredited nursing school. But I did get to thinking about a debate that has been raging in my head.

Man has been faced with mystifying mental challenges since he started walking erect. The first quandary to solve, how to hide the erection. After that, I'm sure that Lothar, his best caveman pal, asked him who would win in a fight between "Adam and Eve", Lothar didn't know who those people were since he evolved, but that's not the point. We have faced many questions of who is better, smarter, prettier, or who you'd rather have randy intercourse with. I can't tell you the number of times a pal of mine has asked "Ginger or Mary Ann" or "Chrissy or Janet" or "Mary or Rhoda" or "Cagney or Lacey". If my current dilemma was as easy as which one of the Golden Girls I would bed if given the chance I probably wouldn't feel the need to work it out on the old blog. What I am faced with is a conundrum that has required all my wits to unravel. "Superman or Spiderman".

Let's take a look at the Man of Steel first. Ok, he's invulnerable, huge plus for him. He's got a groovy job, a cool suit, and the smoking hot Lois Lane on his super jock. As Clark Kent he's stylish in a nerd chic kind of way, polished, toned, a handsome man to say the least. He's the guy that all the girls want. Successful, handsome, and well dressed.

Then there's Spidey. He's witty, a plus for him. He's also accident prone, has major family issues, and has been in love with a gal that doesn't really find the real him all that attractive. You know as I'm writing this, it doesn't seem like much of a dilemma at all. Hands down Supes clobbers Spidey. I don't think Spiderman would ever give up, he'd fight to his death, but it would be the biggest uphill battle since Sisyphus v. Rock.

I mean wall climbing, web slinging, super senses, and a quick wit can't compete with everything that Superman has going for him. He's super, man. Ladies, I ask you, would you rather be struggling actress Mary Jane Watson or female empowerment in a business suit, superstar reporter, Lois Lane? Sure, MJ has some great stuff going for her but Lois is on top of the world, no the planet, the Daily Planet, yeah.

Some of my comic book faithful are going to ring in with errors in my story I'm sure. They will bring up things in continuity, that means nothing to the "Squares" who don't read comics. Let them rant. I don't care. I have always liked Spiderman better than Superman because Spidey is flawed like Priscilla Presley's plastic surgery, and so am I. But when it comes right down to it, even Peter Parker knows when he is outmatched. Much as I dig the web slinger, I'm afraid he's totally out of his league on this one. In his own league Spidey catches thieves just like flies, but Superman is too much to handle.

Who would you take in the fight? Ladies, which would you rather hook up with? Does anyone else thing of crap like this?

Dixie Cup of Love: Batman, cause he would smoke them both.