The Great One

"Never doubt that you’re the one, And you can have your dreams! You’re the best! Around!Nothing’s gonna ever keep you down!" Joe Esposito from "You're the Best"

I could hear the nurse in the hallway talking to one of the steroid injecting orderlies. She was yammering on and on like Oprah at a buffet about the fact that her new sex toy du jour was a hefty chap. As a man on the positive side of the plus it got me thinking.

Jackie Gleason started what I consider to be the greatest trend in the history of fads. Not the hula-hoop, nor the Pet Rock, nay to Rubik and his cube. Gleason was the innovator of the fat sitcom husband with a wife hotter than jalapenos deep fried in Tabasco. The Honeymooners, one of the most popular shows of its day, sent a message to America that men of solid structure were as sexy as Catherine Bach in a pair of cut-off jeans.

The mammoth man/sickeningly scorching wife image has continued on to this very day. Think back to the first time you saw The King of Queens. Every one of us wanted to throw a bullshit flag like an FCC operative hearing Jane Fonda drop the "cunt" bomb on the Today Show. No one wanted to believe for an Alaskan minute that the girl who was once hot for Zach Morris on the Saved By The Bell Malibu summer season was now dropping her lily white panties for a brown clad Stay-Puft Marshmallow of a man. But for Jackie Gleason it would have doomed the show from episode one.

Grounded For Life, a hugely underrated show in the humble opinion of yours truly, took it to another level. Fat, dumb husband/big breasted quick witted wife. A variation, but still owing the world to Ralph Cramden. Following that formula brought us According to Jim. All the guys who remember getting wood when they saw Courtney Thorne-Smith sporting a Body Glove wet suit in Summer School raise hands. That's pretty much everybody by my count. He, Jim Belushi, even stretched as an actor playing a total chucklehead from Chicago, when in real life he is a total chucklehead from Chicago. That's range. But his television wife inspires every overweight guy on Match.com to send a message to the former beauty queen whose profile is there "as a joke her friends pulled". Please, desperately seeking delusional. Chances are she's gonna see Wimpy's photo and opt out of him invitation for burgers. But because of Gleason, we still have hope.

Cartoons have this dichotomy in them as well. The three best examples I could think of are Fred and Wilma Flintstone, Peter and Lois Griffin, and the grand champions of toon duos Marge and Homer Simpson. All three husbands dopey, fat, working class guys. All the wives hot pieces of stay at home Soccer mommy. I would be appalled by this stereotype if it wasn't for the fact that I'm waiting to score my 3rd degree burn inducing hot, smart, compassionate, witty wife. Any takers?

Thank you Jackie Gleason, thank yo.

Why do you think this formula still exists in our fitness fixated society? Ladies, would you marry a guy like this? Men, which of the wives would you want and why?

Dixie Cup of Love: The Great One, no not Gretzky.