Counting on Crowe

"I belong in the service of the queen. I belong anywhere but in between. She's been dying and I've been drinking, and I am the Rain King" Counting Crows from "Rain King"

The nights in the Asylum are the most excruciating part of being locked away from ones own protection. It gets indescribably empty, especially during a wicked thunder storm. Any company would ease the sorrow, even the nurse, but she is riding out the storm somewhere else, far away from her one and only patient. The solitude feels stifling.

Last night the sky here in The Slow purged itself of all the flotsam and jetsam it wad been whisking about on jet streams. Rain fell hard, sheets of watery glass, drops the size of tear drop quarters. Lightning flashed as fast as a Studio 54 strobe light, circa 1977. The claps of thunder so intense, they felt at times like earthquakes. It was wholly awesome and one of the loneliest mights I've had here at all once. But the storm had little to do with my forlorn state.

Ever had thoughts about a certain someone that, unfortunately, lived hundreds of, might as well have been millions, of miles away? Someone who has everything that a person could want: beauty, brains, a blessed sense of humor, talent, and ambition. A true 5 point all star. The kind of person that you want to share a plate of pasta with in hopes of reliving that scene from Lady and the Tramp. Someone that makes you want to stand in a trench coat, boom box high over head blaring Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". You would never dream of selling this person to Humble Pie for fifty dollars and a case of Heineken, metaphorically speaking. Someone you would cherish like a sparkling diamond.

Have you ever thought that you could uproot your whole life just to be near someone? Not to stalk them, nothing that perverse, but just to be near them. Not because you know that they would fall with you if geography wasn't an inhibiting factor, but just to be close enough to find out. Not to disrupt or upset their world, but just to see if you could be the balance. Not to be creepy or sinister, but because your intentions are pure as honey.

Maybe right now my walls are closing in. I miss my old unproductive but righteously entertaining life. The friends I know are just a phone call away, yet not coming to my next barbecue. The sites I grew up seeing are only visible in my mind, so yeah, its lonely. I've probably read too much into innocent comments, wouldn't be the first time, sure it won't be the last. I believe that's called hope. And I know I'm not completely insane, because I recognize these things, that it sounds crazy, that if is crazy, so I'm gonna just wait here til the loneliness subsides. I guess I wanted her to know. Sure hopes she reads this.

Ever stared at a picture and wondered? Ever gone through with it and moved to be with someone?

We are currently out of Dixie Cups, need to go to the store.