Lordesses of the Rings

"Try to be best‘ Cause you’re only a man and a man’s gotta learn to take it. Try to believe though the going gets rough that you gotta hang tough to make it" Joe Esposito from "You're The Best"

You can call the nurse a lot of things. Promiscuous, sure. Brazen hussy, without question. Harbinger of mood altering capsules, everyday. Professional, never. She's never taken a dime for the services she renders, not eve a paycheck from the Asylum. Did you honestly think there was money in the budget for paying her? Hardly. However, the good news is that if there is ever an Olympic even for imaginary drug peddlers, she still has amateur status.

In 9 days the Olympic games will commence in China, and though I abhor their human rights violations and environmental rape, I am still looking forward to the games. I'm a whore for the them. Wasn't always the case, it started way back in the day with a girl named Mary Lou.

It was 1984. I was a freshman and the Olympics were in my home town. The Russians, a usual powerhouse, were paying us back for the 1980 Boycott and America proved that in the absence of another super power we will run rough shot over the competition. butt he winning wasn't everything. It's was the spectacle, the pageantry, the unity, it's all amazing to me. SuperMom was so adamant about dragging us out to see the torch as it relayed through our area, of course being teenagers we scoffed at the notion, but to this day I am glad that she made me do it.

My favorite moments of the summer Olympiad have not always featured cut little gymnast, one featured a pair of bikini clad, but the first two memories were definitely from the gymnastics competition. First was "The Vault". Mary Lou Retton nailed not one, but two perfect vaults to win the all around. And in the process took a piece of my heart with her forever. She was my first athlete crush.

The second moment was Skrug with "The Vault ver. 2.0" On a bad wheel that squeaky voiced little vixen pulled off one of the gutsiest moments in all sports, not just the Olympics. I will forever remember the sight of coach Bela Karoli carrying the damaged nymph to the podium for her medal.

However, purely as a man, the greatest gold medal moment is the celebration between Misty May and Kerri Walsh after winning the Women's Beach Volleyball gold. It's the stuff of Penthouse Forum letters. Two barely clothed women with dark tans, dripping in sweat, rolling around on top of each other in the sand. Slapping one another on the ass. Taking a moment to share a romantic tongue kiss while their eager hands explored each others bodies. Okay, so that last bit didn't really happen, but a boy can dream can't he?

What's your favorite Olympic Moment?

Dixie Cup of Love: Hello, Mary Lou, Goodbye Heart.