Getting a Tattooine

"See, my name is Boba Fett, I know my shit is tight. Start not actin' right, you're frozen in carbonite"MC Chris from "Fett's Vette"

The nurse got sent home for letting a nipple slip out of her Jimmy Dean sausage casing tightuniform, so I am left teathered to the bed, unmedicated, head clear, watching Star Wars Episode 1 - The Acting Menace. Thankfully, with much mercy, the local news channelinterrupts the hell spawned transmission with news of a protest. A Star Wars protest. Willmy nightmare never end?

I don't look at Star Wars, Empire, and Jedi as the "Holy Trilogy". Much to the chagrin of my comic book toting, action figure collecting, movie line quoting pals, Star Wars means about as much to me as Annie Hall means to most of them. Good movie, classic even, but I can't see forming a religion around it. This malaise towards the "Franchise" has cost me some of my geek credibility. My 8th Level Halfling Magic User begs to differ, but lets get back to the Million Man-Child March.

A group calling themselves, ready for this geeks, "The 501st" named for the fictional battalion has called for and organized a boycott of all films from the Weinstein Company. Are you twisting my dipstick? I can only hope that the script that I sent to my consortium of advisers and consultants will one day be snatched up and produced by the Weinstein Company. I'm like a gentile Yentl "Harvey, Can You Hear Me?". The man is brilliant. Done. But this conglomerate of acne, baldness, and virginity has a problem with Harvey's treatment of the film "Fanboys". A film about some rabid Star Wars fans break into Lucasfilm to watch the cringe inducing Episode 1. The films been around a while, before it's stars, Jay Baruchel, Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen and Dan Folger were members of the Apatow Nerd Herd. And I've been interested in seeing it. That's it, interested, because it looked like a funny flick. I don't worship the unseen. Not Jesus, not films (unless they are directed by Martin Scorsese and star Leonardo DiCaprio, in that case you have me at hello). Maybe what Harvey wants to do to the film will improve it's appeal to a wider audience. You know, the large segment of society that doesn't go to Comic-Con. (Sorry Atomic).

If the man is capable of building Miramax into a yearly Oscar competitor, who then ditches it because the Mouse has a problem with some of the content, and then starts another company that is on the track to being a major player, don't you think he might have some inkling about what he's doing? Even if you don't like Harvey Scissorhands, you have to respect the people around him. I mean, the company only champions, let's see, Tarantino, Smith, and Rodriguez on a regular basis. He must be an idiot. Or maybe, just maybe, he has more on his plate than wondering if the right outfit to wear to the convention, the one that will capture Lucas' eye, is the Storm Tropper or the Jawa. You Star Wars nits are so homoerotic with Lucas.

The bone of contention between the Weinsteins and the film makers revolve around a cancer subplot that sends the uber-fans on their quest. Darth Weinstein, as the crackpot queer ducks are now calling him, doesn't feel that a cancer ridden character in a comedy that has nothing to do with cancer is appropriate. The man is clearly insane, no? Just because he paid for a product, he thinks he can do whatever he wants with it. What's next? Get over it people. It's just a character point. I've cut entire characters from each and every script I've ever written. They seem funny but they mostly bog the story down like Barack Obama's Pastor at a Klan rally. Thankfully I have a team of readers willing to tell me the hard truth. Maybe that's what Harvey is doing here. Maybe not. But fighting the man who is supposed to release your film might mean one thing and one thing only, straight to DVD. That would be a bigger shame than losing a minor plot point.

And the 501st All Pocket Protector Battalion has a right to voice their discouragement. Boycotting is as American as Erik Estrada. It's a fantastic and powerful thing when done for the right reason. But where we these people after the Godfather III was released? Think of the pain they might have saved us all. Not having to sit through the unbearableness that is the Sofia Coppola Acting Experience. For that protest I'd stand in front of oncoming limo's enroute to the premiere like a Hollywood Tiananman Square. But I would wait for the film to open, see it, form my hate filled opinion, and preach it like Billy Graham on Easter sunday.

You got a position? Let me hear it.